Sometimes leaders avoid saying “no,” and sometimes they avoid saying “yes.”
Instead, the decision is left somewhere in between:
- “We’ll come back to this.”
- “Let’s give it some more thought.”
Of course, there are situations when we genuinely need more time or more information. But sometimes we delay a decision not because there is something else we need to find out, but because the decision itself makes us uncomfortable.
Maybe we do not want to disappoint someone. Maybe we find it difficult to close a door, take responsibility for a choice, or risk making the wrong decision. Perhaps we simply do not want to have a conversation that we know will be uncomfortable.
Our nervous system plays an important role here as well. When we experience something as uncomfortable or uncertain, we naturally look for ways to reduce that discomfort. Some people try to take even more control, some withdraw, and others simply postpone the decision. In that moment, “We’ll come back to this” can feel much easier than giving a clear answer.
That is entirely human. The problem begins when postponing decisions becomes a pattern. What feels easier for the leader in the moment often makes things harder for everyone else.
- The team waits.
- Priorities remain unclear.
- People continue investing time and energy in something without knowing whether it will ever actually happen.
The same issue then returns at the next meeting, and one moment of avoided discomfort often creates several new ones.
We do not learn and grow only when we feel comfortable. Sometimes it is important to stay with discomfort a little longer and ask ourselves: What am I actually avoiding here? What would happen if I gave a clear answer anyway?
We all have our patterns. Some people make decisions too quickly because they find uncertainty difficult to tolerate. Others keep every option open because saying “no” is hard for them. The point is not to criticize ourselves for this, but to notice what we are doing and what consequences it has.
Because we can be fully aware that we are avoiding something and still continue to do it. The more often we choose postponement as a way of avoiding discomfort, the more familiar that response becomes. Over time, we may find ourselves accumulating postponed conversations, unresolved issues, and decisions that are still waiting for the “right moment.”
We may think we are protecting ourselves from discomfort, but often we are simply pushing it into the future and allowing it to grow in the meantime.
Clarity does not mean being harsh. Sometimes the fairest thing we can do, both for ourselves and for others, is simply to say: “Yes.” “No.” Or: “Not now, and here’s why.”
A clear answer allows people to move forward. Sometimes one uncomfortable but clear decision creates far more progress than another meeting that ends with the words: “We’ll come back to this.”
