Have you ever been in a conversation where you felt judged or even subtly attacked and found yourself shutting down or reacting in ways you later regretted?
Maybe someone interrupted you, made assumptions or seemed unwilling to listen. You knew you were being honest and clear, however their reaction felt like a personal attack.
These moments are hard. Your nervous system kicks in – you feel the rush of fight, flight or freeze.
You might feel tense, defensive or completely shut down. All of this is totally natural.
The Somatic Response
When someone judges or attacks us, our body responds before our mind does.
- Heart races.
- Muscles are tense.
- Breath becomes short.
This is your sympathetic nervous system – the body’s way of saying, “Something’s not right.”
It’s automatic. But here’s the key: You don’t have to stay stuck there.
As a somatic and leadership coach, I believe this deeply: Calm is not passive. It’s a trained skill.
Here are two tools you can use in the moment – right in the middle of a difficult conversation:
Feel your feet
Bring your attention to the ground.
Notice the sensation of your feet touching the floor.
This helps your body feel safer.
Lengthen your exhale
Take a slow breath in (count to 4).
Then breathe out longer (count to 6).
This activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part that calms you down.
Staying calm is not about letting others walk over you. The point is to stay grounded and connected to yourself, even when the ground feels unstable.
