How often have you perceived an authority figure as arrogant, conceited, or rude? On the other hand, how warm and tender would people without authority, with whom “everything is possible” seem to you? What happens when you meet someone who is full of tenderness and warmth but also authority and impeccable self-respect? This is when we ask ourselves how powerful this combination is and how we can achieve it ourselves.
How to get authority and tenderness?
• Use empathy and “softeners” in conversation
When we choose the words we use and approach the interlocutor with empathy, only then can we expect the person to really hear us because he/she does not feel threatened and attacked, but safe and understood. Only in such a space can you direct a person to growth, tell him/her an unpleasant truth or simply point out a mistake. Know that in these moments every praise is much more appreciated and heard.
• Coaching as a safe tool
In situations where you yourself know that the person has made a mistake, don’t always choose to just point it out to them. Ensure that through you open ended question the person gains insight into their mistake, finds a way to correct it, but also a way to not repeat it again.
• Patience
Take the time to present your opinion and facts so that the person on the other side sees the foundations of your point of view and self-confidence. This will earn her trust and respect.
• Tone of voice
It is not only important that you take into account whether you speak quietly or loudly, but also when you speak and how you speak. So, sometimes you need to use the tone of a friend who is warm and open, sometimes a warrior who demands an order, sometimes a wizard who informs, or a sage who inspires, and you can use more than one tone in the same communication.
• Choosing the right communication channel
We are aware that each person accepts words in a different way, which is why it is necessary to adapt the communication channel to the type of person we are talking to. Assess which channel is best for your interlocutor: emotional, questioning, supportive, or directive. Also, whether you will be talking live, via phone call, text, Zoom, or even email.
• Personalization
There is no one-size-fits-all way of communicating. Therefore, through self-work and practice, we can eventually reach a point where we can easily combine the tools we have and thus enable effective communication that is filled with warmth and security.
Have you noticed how much authority there is in these lines, or has it become completely unrecognizable because of the warmth with which it was built? Authority is not fear, that’s why the one built with warmth is an eternal monopoly on the market.
